I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.