It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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