playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
