Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.