Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...