Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!