I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
