dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.