I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.