my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
