Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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