i just had sex bonerless
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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