We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
