i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
