checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
