sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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