I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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