youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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