Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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