Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
