i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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