so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
