I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
