so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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