If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
