dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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