I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
