i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
