I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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