so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
