Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
