I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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