I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
