Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
