She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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