im drinking this country out of the recession.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
