pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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