I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your cock deserves a montage
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
