just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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