you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
