I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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