Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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