Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize