so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
