If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
