i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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