Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
