how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
