I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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