Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
