You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
