Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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