So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
