Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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