I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
