saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
