Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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