my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
