wrigley field is MILF paradise
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it hurts more in the daytime
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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