We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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