you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
