My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
