Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
