Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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