Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
