You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
