true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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