Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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