so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
