Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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