i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
