My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
