Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize