i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
