I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
